Reb's
Birth Stories
Two
lovelei babies.
Two unexpected joyous spirits.
Their birth stories, my birthing stories
are as interconnected as my life is constant.
Their births and lives are like the most
sensuous and scented blossoming flowers
in my 28 year old garden. It is hard to
imagine before children (BC) before Kalvin
Rose and Lola Skye came into my life. And
I can only tell the story of their births
together because they are as much a part
of eachothers being as they are their own.
And their lives begin with me, unexpectedly
expecting, a well nourished and flourishing
mother-to-be.
Kalvin
9th April 1999 8'15
The only way I had ever imagined I would
birth my children was at home. I had been
present at a friends' HomeBirth when I was
16 and had rare photos of my own birth in
hospital and these experiences definitely
influenced me to choose Rose - my HomeBirth
midwife. I loved being pregnant. I wore
my belly bare and basked in the summer sun
as much as I could. I sung songs, caressed,
prayed for and whispered to my 'little one'
daily. I never fixed a due date in my mind
- only that it would be somewhere in April.
But as Rose began telling me that woman
after woman in my antenatal group had birthed
it dawned on me that the inevitable birth-day
would be soon.
On
the eve of the 8th of April 1999, Stephen
was out playing soccer and I was chatting
to my Dad's partner on the phone. I had
had leaking of my waters for a few days
but no other signs of imminent birth - apart
from my burgeoning belly of course. At around
9pm, as I lay on the couch - because at
20kg's heavier than normal that's about
all I could do - I felt a grinding on my
cervix, got off the phone, squatted and
dribbled profusely on the floor. Stephen
arrived home shortly afterwards and I told
him that I thought I had a bladder infection
because I had begun to get pain in what
felt like my bladder. I still hadn't made
the birth connection.
After
about an hour of the pain coming and going
and increasing I decided to call Rose to
which she said I was, "probably in
labour." Completely shocked and excited
I spent the next couple of hours coping
with the rapidly increasing contractions
while Steve stoked the fire. We called Rose
and she arrived about midnight. By that
stage I was in quite a lot of pain and my
contractions were about three to five minutes
apart. While I panted they filled the pool
and I got naked. It was around this time
that I began to loose myself in the music
of birth. The loss and gain of awareness
simultaneously. The shift from being present
on the earth to being present in myself
- completely and constantly.
I
spent much of the night in the birthing
pool. Our support team arrived, Jacqui our
backup midwife arrived and I kept on going
and going. What I remember most about Kalvin's
labour was my need to know I was progressing.
I physically couldn't feel Kalvin moving
and I desperately wanted to know that his
head was moving down. I was also afraid.
Afraid of the pain. My contractions were
very intense from the beginning and to all
it seemed I was going to birth quickly.
But as time went on, my contractions next
to eachother, full dilation and no head,
I got discouraged. I didn't want to open
myself up to the pain and I fell out of
touch with my supporters. I wasn't able
to communicate what I wanted and I wasn't
getting it. On top of that I was trying
to push out a baby who was stuck behind
the cervical lip and wasn't planning on
going anywhere.
At
about 9am I gave up. Looking back on it
the way I can describe what I felt was like
I was sick, and needed help. Certainly I
felt rescued when after two contractions
on the front lawn, a hellish car ride in
which Steve took the longest short cut known
to humankind and a spin through the hospital
corridors screaming obscenities I arrived
in a hospital room. Despite my grief afterwards
at not birthing at home - which lasted for
a long time - in retrospect the whole birth
experience paralleled my deep seeded emotional
state at the time. And it also gave me an
opportunity to understand what I was fighting
for as a mother and HomeBirther that I am
grateful for.
After
giving me gas - which only helped because
it gave me something to bite on - the attending
doctor, Michael, came in to assess me. We
distributed our detailed birthing plans.
Then he went away. For forty-five minutes.
It really infuriated me that after deciding
to go into hospital I had to wait for pain
relief only because he was thinking about
'my case'. The he came back and asked me
to sign a consent form for a cesarean. Which
I did during a contraction. But I hadn't
signed it in the right place. So he asked
me to do it again. Steve said, "Can't
I do that?" and he assured him that
I had to. But I hadn't signed it on the
dotted line so he made me do it again -
three #%$*#* times. Well that's what I thought.
Finally
I was wheeled into theatre. Initially 'they'
had said only one person was allowed in
with me - despite five of the hospital staff
being present - but thankfully Rose and
Steve negotiated so they could both be present.
Apparently the baby's heart rate was really
fast and I had lost some blood so speed
was of the essence. Crazy. As soon as I
got the spinal I felt "cheery".
I relaxed and in came Steve wearing his
doctor's uniform. I didn't feel anything.
And at the time I was almost like a post
birth Mum - with all the elation of pain
relief, still euphoric with adrenaline -
except I hadn't had my baby yet.
Michael
pulled Kalvin out with the vontoose and
he popped back inside again. Michael tried
again put he wouldn't budge. Michael said
he was going to use forceps and would need
to do an episiotomy. I remember looking
up at Rose - who was all this time right
by my side like my guardian angel - and
saying, "Do I have to?" and she
replied that it was best. So Michael cut
me open then asked if Steve wanted to watch
to which he replied he wanted to stay with
me. So Michael told me to push and push
again and pulled out my baby. Immediately
they birthed my placenta and asked Steve
to cut the cord. Rose asked if we could
have him right away and Michael said, "No
Rose", so they did their check and
handed him to me, wiped and wrapped up.
He hadn't made a noise except for his tongue
reaching out for food like a wee turtle.
I was completely shocked I had a boy. He
was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen
and all I wanted to do was care and love
for him.
I
stayed in the hospital one night and held
him the whole time. Nurses on different
shifts would ask me if I wanted to put him
in the cot neatly arranged by my bed but
I said, "No thanks". The baby
opposite me, lying in her cot, cried non-stop.
I remember going over to see her and as
soon as she saw my face she stopped. It
was then that I realised I would always
feel like mothering - even to children who
were not my own - but that the one baby
I could give what I thought children needed
was my son.
We
named him kalvin Rose - him namesake his
midwife - the next day. I love him like
he is my guiding star.
Lola
27th August 2000 1:18pm 9'6
When
I was in hospital after Kalvin's birth,
a midwife said to me, "You were so
brave". I hadn't felt brave. In fact
I felt completely the opposite. And it took
along time to come to terms with my confusion
and grief surrounding my first birth. Pregnant
for the second time, I didn't have the time
to ponder my physical state or my future.
I found out I was pregnant when Kalvin was
9 months old and by the time Lola was born
there was less than 17 months between them.
After my first 42 week scan we found out
my due date was a month out so my pregnancy
seemed endless. During my pregnancy my breastmilk
waned and my avid little feeder struggled
with alternatives and a couple of feeds
a day. We had planned for Kalvin to be there
but just prior to Lola's birth he became
very ill with a rotavirus. So ill that he
was unable to walk due to loss of weight
and energy.
On
the morning of the 26th of August 2000,
I awoke alone, next to Kalvin, after lying
in bed for several hours dosing in and out
of mild contractions. I knew I was in labour
this time. I sat next to Kalvin and watched
him for a long time. My mother had told
me how she had held me the day she gave
birth to my younger brother, knowing it
would be the last time we would be really
alone together. I did that too. Only I could
hardly anticipate what it would mean to
loose our togetherness and gain wholeness
with Lola.
We
decided that Kalvin was too ill to be present
and that he needed full time care, which
I was going to be unable of giving, so Steve
drove him to his Grandma's. I spent the
next hour or so grieving during light contractions
over not being able to be there for Kalvin
and my concern about how he would cope with
a new baby. I called Jo our midwife to alert
her I was in labour but that I was fine.
By 7pm that night the contractions were
painful enough to squirm about so Steve
and I set off for Brighton and took and
slow stroll along the beach. Around 11pm
I was still able to play the guitar but
soon after Jo arrived and labour became
more intense.
In my pajama's I decided to go for a walk
in the night wind. The pavement was wet
with rain and my bare feet felt heavy as
I spent thirty minutes walking and contracting
down to the end of my block and back. Finally
Steve came out to look for me and helped
me back inside to a toasty warm house. They
had set up the birthing pool and it was
filling up. I laboured on Jo's birthing
stool for some time and began to get that
drowsy aloofness and I became immersed in
the physiological pain. At some time Coral
arrived and to candle light her and Jo and
Steve moved about as my wee helpers.
I
was quiet. In my first labour I had been
loud from the beginning. This time I was
determined to go with the flow and be still
amongst my pain. I laboured all night -
mostly in the pool - and into the late morning.
Like my first born, Lola did not move and
even after an hour of pushing there was
still no sign of her. I was exhausted and
beginning to feel discouraged. Thankfully
I had talked to Jo and Coral about this
possibility and how much I really wanted
to birth at home. I remember Jo coming into
me as I lay resting on the bed - as much
as you can rest with non-stop contractions.
She said to me, "You're just going
to have to get determined to do this Rebecca."
And with constant support and words I pushed
relentlessly for an hour and a half in the
birthing pool. I was determined and dedicated
and I really felt proud. With help I emerged
from the pool and either I tried to walk
to the bedroom or did and came back but
then I stood bracing myself on Steve's shoulders
and pushed. Coral and Jo talked to me and
told me it was time to get noisy. Somebody
said they could see the head and as soon
as I heard that I decided, "Right,
that's it. You're coming out."
With
wild earth tones I pushed and Lola emerged,
still in her membranes, resting between
my legs. This was the most memorable physical
experience for me. A baby's head wedged
between my legs. I felt such relief and
disbelief at once. I panted as Coral asked
me to move my legs apart a little, which
seemed an incredible feat at the time. Then
in one more push out came Lola. I sat down
and held my baby girl in my arms - in amazement
that I had done it and in wonder that she
was a girl. She was so warm, so alive and
so precious. I sat on the couch and fed
her while I waited for my placenta to birth
with continuing painful contractions. Some
forty minutes later - which seemed like
a moment - I pushed it out then passed in
and out of consciousness for the next few
hours. I ended up having to have a catheter
and oxygen at home as I was physically depleted
of all strength.
The
next day Kalvin came home to his new world,
his new baby sister. Since then we have
journeyed through the muck, the mire, the
music and the magic - we still do - and
my two unexpected wonders have given me
more strength, more love, more challenges
and fulfillment in my life than I ever could
have planned. Thank you Kalvin and Lola
for sharing your lives with me.
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