The birth of Isa
By Amy Philip
I lay in bed on the actual due date of my baby, unable to sleep with so many thoughts racing around in my head. It was very late – my husband and I had been out dancing. Before I was pregnant I was dancing up to 4 times a week, but had slowed down as I ripened. This evening however, I’d had a huge burst of energy and had really torn up the floor. The day before my midwife, Julia, had said that it seemed I would probably be another 2 weeks as I was still very mobile and not experiencing any Braxton Hicks contractions yet.
I don't know if my dancing brought on my labour but as I lay in bed after midnight, thinking about all the possibilities awaiting me, I felt a very strange and unique sensation – that of my baby burrowing down towards my cervix. That was when I started wondering if this could be it!
Around 12:45 my husband came to bed and shortly after that, at 1am, I sprung a leak and knew immediately. I told Ross that my waters had just broken and as I sat up to head to the toilet, water gushed out in all directions. I felt like a sprinkler! We were so excited and laughed in amazement and disbelief. Our instructions were to relax and try and get some sleep if labour started in the night and call in the morning. Relaxing seemed impossible though, as 10 minutes after my waters broke the contractions began in earnest, causing me to moan and groan and breathe through them. I eventually moved to a mattress set up in the living room as I kept having to get up and go to the toilet and didn't want to disturb Ross.
This went on until 8 am when I called Julia. She came an hour later and she and Ross massaged my feet and legs which gave me a lot of relief. The waves of pain were strong and dispersed throughout my body and it was hard to relax into them without clinching up. This continued for some time and I asked Ross to call my close friend Casey to come and help him and my Mom set up the birthing tent outside. The tub was set up out there, along with ornate tapestries of mauve, emerald, blue and gold that had been loaned to me for the occasion.
Julia and Ross were making sure that I was keeping hydrated with plenty of water, yet I was running out of steam fast. Casey brought me a spirulina smoothie. What a pick-me-up! I then felt like moving out to the tub. I was 5cm dilated and we discovered that the upper lip of my cervix was swollen. When I got into the tub, I felt relief, a feeling of nurturing and suspension. My contractions were constant and getting stronger and longer.
I decided that I felt comfortable for my photographer friend to come. She and her four year old daughter came and took photos for an hour. My moaning turned into chanting sounds, almost like ancient tongues. I remember feeling somewhat self conscious and yet natural at the same time. I kept forgetting to focus on opening up and would come in and out of remembering, the pain being foremost in my consciousness.
After about four hours, Julia suggested a change. The other midwife had just arrived and we went back inside, where I began to change positions frequently and my contractions slowed way down. April, the assistant, suggested I go for a walk which I couldn't fathom, but thought I'd try. Ross set out the back door with me and as we reached the trailer, where my Mother was staying and anxiously anticipating events, I crumpled to the ground. I knew that she was watching and hated to alarm her, so I managed to get up and walk a few times around the yard and head back in. From then on I was mostly just crawling back and forth from the mattress in the living room to the toilet and pooping and peeing. There was also a lot of nipple stimulation happening to try and strengthen the contractions.
After about 18 hours I was asked if I wanted an IV because I had tested positive for Strep B culture during pregnancy and with my waters being broken for so long, the area was possibly more vulnerable to infection. Ross and I had been given the IV option during the prenatal visits and had discussed it at length, deciding that we didn't want to compromise the baby’s immune system so early on. Although we hadn't foreseen the waters breaking and going for so long without birthing, we still had our same feelings and felt optimistic and faithful in the moment. I needed his calm reassurance and the hands off approach of my midwife. Julia did not express concern at our decision, though April did. She questioned our choice and we stated our reasons. She also questioned me on why I thought it was taking so long and if there was something I was afraid of.
I must say that I was in no mood to delve into this with a stranger in the middle of labour. Sure, at some level I was fearful of becoming a mother. Maybe I had some fear because we hadn’t had a single scan so had no concrete evidence to say that all was normal, aside from Julia's assurances. Maybe some faith was being tested. It was too much to analyze at that moment. All I know is that I was trying desperately to "open", to use my mind to locate the centre of the pain and I couldn't – it was too dispersed.
Then there was a point when I was yet again on the toilet, wondering "Is this normal? There's been no talk of hospital, yet it seems like it's going on forever. I am so completely drained, can I do this?" Julia came in and sat down on the floor in the dark bathroom in front of me. After a long silence I asked her if it was normal and she said something to the affect of "yes, everything is going just fine” and “sometimes it just takes time."
That was it. I was determined to kick into high gear, so I stood up and began to stimulate my nipples myself. Julia responded by moving me into our bedroom where she had me try out the birthing stool. This I found to be extremely awkward because of my wobbly, tired legs, so we moved to the bed. She asked me to do some dry pushes which I found very difficult as I still wasn't having hard contractions and didn't have the urge to push, nor had I located what and where I was pushing. Julia finally inserted her hand to apply some arnica gel to my swollen cervix. The pain was acute, yet supportive because I could finally locate where my cervix was. I was 8-9 cm dilated and wanted her hand to stay there as a guide, which surprised her as she said most wanted it out as quickly as possible. Her manually assisting my cervix set things in motion for me, providing a compass.
I was hoping to just lie on my back and deliver that way, since I was feeling the 24 and a half hours and the two missed nights sleep. Julia suggested that I get on all fours and checked the heartbeat in both positions and found that it was best on all fours. I could feel it was really happening, I was ready.
Two large couch cushions were positioned in front of me to rest on if needed and the oxygen was near by. I was instructed to try low guttural sounds but as I bore down on the pillows I felt that I needed to just scream and cuss and let it all out – to just go for it. April kept trying to put the oxygen mask on me in between pushes but I felt claustrophobic and resisted forcefully. Julia suggested that I hold it myself which worked brilliantly. The baby’s heartbeat was monitored after a few pushes and found to be a little low, so I had oxygen and was told to breath into the baby, which helped me to connect with her again.
When I finally got a good moving push they cheered and I knew what was happening. Julia helped by stretching the opening as the baby’s head was crowning. The head would slip out and then go back in after each inhalation. Finally it went back less and less, until out it popped and I gave the quickest, strongest push ever. It was amazing to feel her whole body cruise through and out of me, to land on the bed beneath. The umbilical cord was short so I had to back up over her in order to get my first proper glimpse. What an amazing sight.
I watched as Julia wiped the blood off her face and suctioned out her mouth and nose. I remember thinking how warrior like our baby was; her eyes were piercing right through me the whole time. I wasn't worried as she seemed so alive and determined. Then she was handed to me and we got to work stimulating my contractions so that I would expel the placenta and be able to hold her closer to me. Plop, it released and I could hold her on my tummy. She was still making sounds of protest as her Daddy said her name, Isa, and she stopped fussing, turned her head and made eye contact with him. It was magical! Then she was positioned on my left breast and took to it like a pro. Even Julia commented on how perfectly she latched on. That moment was the calming moment for me, the moment of deep love and gratitude.
My very worried Mother was finally summoned from the trailer at 1.46am and came in beaming and proud. Julia ran an herbal bath for us and then, finally, it was time for us to curl up together and sleep, but I could only look at Isa and feel the vibrating hum still in my body and see the vivid colours all around the room. I would not sleep until the following day during a nap together.
What an amazing and profound experience. I honestly don't think that I could have done it as courageously without my husband’s and Julia’s calm, reassuring faith and trust. I believe that if we had been in a hospital, in America (where I’m from), I would have been hooked up to an IV and induced much earlier on and I am so grateful for the opportunity to bring our child into the world in the most gentle and caring way possible.
Published in Birthplace Magazine - Winter edition 2009
Last updated 28 October 2009.